All in Carlisle: No Sex No City
LET ME WHISK YOU AWAY WITH A TALE OF CORRUPTION, ACTION AND ROMANCE THAT ALL BEGINS IN THE DEPTHS OF THE TRIAD-RUN ORIENT…
CLEVER RESEARCHERS HAVE FOUND OUT THAT THERE IS A SURGE IN DATING APP USAGE IN THE FIRST MONTH OF THE YEAR THROUGH A COMBINATION OF LONELINESS AND OPTIMISM… I DECIDED TO CASH IN ON THE NEW MEAT AND HIT TINDER, BUMBLE AND HAPPN HARD.
HARUN HAD CLEARLY BEEN TAKING TIPS FROM HIS NEIGHBOURING DATER AND KICKED OFF BY ASKING WHAT ANIMAL I WOULD LIKE TO BE REINCARNATED AS. AN OTTER, OBVIOUSLY!
GROUPS OF WOMEN SAT GIGGLING AND CRADLING COSMOS WHILST THE DARKER PERIPHERIES OF THE ROOM CONTAINED SINGLE MALES, NURSING BEERS AND LOOKING INTENTLY AT THEIR PHONES
WAS THIS THE GUY WHO LIVED WITH HIS PARENTS AND THEIR TWO SPANIELS OR HAD THIS GUY RECENTLY MOVED UP TO CUMBRIA AND WAS LIVING IN A SHARE HOUSE IN COCKERMOUTH? I WAS GETTING ALL MY TINDEREES MUDDLED UP!
IN AN ATTEMPT TO RECTIFY THEIR BACHELOR STATUS, TWELVE GUYS DECIDED TO ORGANISE A BYOG DINNER - BRING YOUR OWN GIRL. WHEN THE EVENING CAME, ONLY THREE OF THEM HAD ACTUALLY MANAGED TO SOURCE MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.
THE SUCCESSFUL START TO THE DATE LED INTO TERRITORY THAT HAD THUS FAR BEEN UNCHARTERED ON MY ADVENTURE… I SUGGESTED WE HAD DINNER.
Whether it is measured on appearances, conversational skills, blog-worthy quotes or length of date, this Bae barely merited the title.
No one is worth knowing unless they have graced the hallowed pages of Carlisle Living… prime hunting ground for blog fodder.
According to Maxime, his dating flight path to date had not been without its turbulence; the pilot life was apparently a lonely one.
Rather than making polite conversation, or maybe possibly in an attempt to, Jake launched into an in-depth description of his ailments
Asking Kiwi Bae what he thought of Cumbria so far, I was met with the response, ‘I like it, motorways are pretty exciting, eh?’
What I can only imagine Tarzan would look like if he lived in Corsica, wore a wetsuit, and was more adherent to modern day health and safety regulations
This guy wasn’t kidding around; he was clearly the creme-de-la-creme of the caprine community.
My failed romance with Mobile Bae made me realise that when it comes to finding love I cannot leave my romantic fate in the lap of the gods, or more accurately, in the lap of my mother.
I received a photo of an absolute hunk of a man… the unusual part of the picture was that he was proudly holding up the latest Samsung phone